Discharge to Recharge.

Reposted from May 2013.

It took a forced shut down for me to realize that I’ve been ignoring my body’s cry for attention. I’ve been a mess lately- sleeping less, eating sporadically, stressing over things that won’t matter in the long run and running myself to the ground. It wasn’t until I got strapped off energy and collapsed in my bed, that I got some time to think. Seeing how few of us busy moms get a chance to do this mental exercise, I decided to share my thoughts. We all go through the day thinking, doing and caring for the ones we are responsible for, but usually forget the one that needs it most– ourselves. Unfortunately, unless we take care of ourselves, we are unable to do the best at taking care of others. Every psychologist, sociologist, anthropologist, priest, scholar, teacher, mom, grandmother and trusted adult gives the same advice – take care of yourself, before others. It’s easier said than done; to take care of before taking care of!

While speaking with a group of mothers, I realized it is even more important for homeschooling parents take care of themselves. For a homeschooling parent, who is home 24 /7 with her child or children, giving attention to herself becomes even harder. Sometimes as a homeschooler, I get a little envious of my non-homeschooling friends who can sit down with a cup of tea or read something for their own enrichment, or pray without a kid on their back or talk on the phone without a million interruptions, all because they have dropped off their little guys in the care of trusted adults. This “oh how I wish” feeling brought back the point as to how important it is for a home educator to discharge and recharge frequently! Home educating is exhausting and we need to take our time away to be able to breathe peacefully, think deeply, work effectively, and connect genuinely with ourselves. We need to discharge and then recharge in order to move forward with being the best!

It’s not the big things that most home educators miss- like the career change, or the loss in income or the feeling of importance or accomplishment with projects gone right. It’s usually the small things that we miss- the ability to go in and grab a coffee without unloading a school bus and taking a field trip into Peet’s! Or bathe in peace and quiet rather than the quick two minute shower with kids asking questions through the door. It’s those little things that help us take care of us and reduce stress that we miss most and I can almost guarantee that as a home educator with multiple little ones, we don’t take that time to rejuvenate.

It’s not that we are never given an opportunity. Sometimes our very understanding husbands will give us a day off and ask us to go soak in the tub while they take our munchkins out to the park, but guess what, those two hours seem like an opportunity not to be missed- cause the fridge needs cleaning, or the closets keep calling or the files need organizing or a million other things we keep putting aside all march to the forefront for attention. And poof! The park day is done, the gang is back: usually hungry, excited and sooner than you expected. Then we run back into our two second shower and cook up a speedy meal and forget about the soak!

As much as we love our little guys and our big guy, we have up learn to love ourself too. It’s very easy to be giving, in fact culturally some of us have grown up with the idea of mom being the martyr. But we owe it to ourselves, our families and most of all our daughters, who learn by example, to take care of our ourselves. Here is a a partial list of things to do to take care of oursves first, because a container can only pour forth what it has and if we don’t refill our containers then we will run dry soon. This reminder is more for myself than others, but may it benefit whoever can use it- home educator or otherwise. Consider this a Mother’s Day gift- from one mother to another.

– Good Grooming– it’s part of our deen and the Sunnah of our beloved to be clean, well groomed and fragrant. We may not see (or smell) ourselves, but we must remember that others do, so lets try to be a pleasing sight to see and not smell like the lunch we just prepared.

– Good Nutrition and Exercise– this is a note to myself first and others after, but watching what and how much we consume is just as important as watching what our kids eat! Finishing up the kids’ leftovers will not reduce waste but add to our own. Even if we spend a few minutes each day stretching, breathing or walking, doing these little actions will help diffuse tension before it starts adding up.

– Good Reading- even if its for a few minutes very night, read some thing and keep up with the world. It’s very easy to start using lower vocabulary and simplistic thought and we have to diligently pick ourselves up or our kids will zoom past and we’ll be the Rip Van Winkles of our time.

– Good Night’s Sleep– most of us don’t have a problem falling asleep, as much as we may staying asleep. Kids, schedules, sleep patterns and illness all mess with a good nights rest, but we have to learn to prioritize that.

– Good Friends– I cannot overemphasize what a good bunch of friends can do. As homeschooling moms we can feel isolated, ignored or just plain judged at times. Having a good circle of friends to bounce ideas off of, get support from, vent to and learn from is an invaluable resource. The circle can be as small as three people or as large as you can support, but let the circle be strengthened by a spiritual connection where everyone is like minded and understands you. Set your ground rules and have multiple different circles if need be, but make sure you have at least one that you can bind yourself with.

– Good Thoughts– oh how we fall into this trap of thoughts! The “what ifs” and the “how’s” have to be tamed. When thoughts run a muck in our minds, we have to take control, just like we would a wild child. All will be well and we have to believe in it and have tawakkal after doing our part.

One thing that got me thinking was not the fact that I had to physically stop what I was doing for a whole day out of exhaustion, but how the rest of the people around me kept going on. It brought to my attention that whether or not I am here or able, life will move on and I’ll have spent my life being a harried mess. Another thought that grabbed me by surprise was the one person soaking up my every action, word and feeling was my daughter, for whom I must leave behind the legacy of a mom who was happy, healthy and hospitable. I had to stop and restart, and I hope my lesson will be learned by others without the hassle of having to go through it themselves. May Allah grant us all the strength and wisdom to do just that. Ameen.

Hearts & Homes

Many years ago, when I was still a young newly married couple without kids, (yeah, that was a lifetime ago), I remember sitting in a class where Shaykh Hamza Yusuf talked about a Hadith of the Prophet peace be upon him. If I remember correctly, this was spoken when the Prophet peace be upon him entered Madina. Abu Yusuf ‘Abdullah ibn Salam said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, ‘O people! make the greeting common practice, provide food, maintain ties of kinship and pray while people are asleep and you will enter the Garden in safety.'” [at-Tirmidhi] After the shaykh elaborated, I realized, the last thing mentioned was the hardest for me to do, while the first was the easiest. Maintaing ties of kinship is conditional upon another person, making that act difficult as well. But the one thing that I felt drawn towards and I feel people are losing is the act of feeding people. These days I see this Hadith in clear light as I notice how few people open their hearts and homes to feed friends and family!

According to another Hadith, Abdullah ibn ‘Amr reported that a man said, “Messenger of Allah, which aspect of Islam is best?” He replied, “Feeding people and greeting those you know and those you do not know.” Feeding people has been seen by all cultures as a means of getting close to God, a means of gaining blessings and a means of warding off evil from their homes. Whether we look at the traditional Indian custom of hospitality, highlighted by the Ancient Sanskrit phrase “Athithi devo Bhava“, (guest is god) or the warm and welcoming Spanish saying, “Mi casa es su casa“, or the Biblical command in Romans 12:13 “Practice hospitality”, I can’t help but wonder what has happened? Why are so many people backing out of hosting a gathering? Do we scare ourselves by thinking we need to host a medieval banquet if someone comes home? Can’t we have simplicity in our food and focus on getting our hearts together? Are we afraid of critical looks and comments by our guests? Are we afraid the food will not be enough or good enough? What is the main reason behind turning away from this sunnah and cultural norm? Some of us descend from regions and traditions of legendary hospitality, yet we lose it in less than a generation. When did feeding our families and guests go from being an Ibadah to being a chore?

Growing up, I remember my grandmother’s house’s front door was never locked or even closed during the daytime. With the arrival of the milkman in the morning, the door would be unlocked and a mere curtain drawn for privacy. It let every passerby know that he is welcome and every one who entered did not leave without being fed. In my parents’ home on the other end of the continent, every Friday after prayers, a big pot of biryani was served to all those single, alone or impoverished souls my dad could find at the local masjid. It was understood that feeding people brought barakah into our lives and serving people was never looked down upon. It saddened me to hear a friend mention how her efforts at khidma of the community were seen as a way to fulfill a deficiency in her life! How our ideologies have changed, SubhanAllah! Today even some our young volunteer at soup kitchens or do communal good, to complete required communty service hours.

A friend shared this story of their family’s travel in a third world country and the hospitality they experienced shook me to the core. While traveling between cities by road, their car overheated and they stopped to let it cool down. While waiting, they decided to take in the sights of a nearby village. As they walked towards a tiny hut, the woman who lived in it, came running out to greet her guests and quickly brushed off dust from her dusty floor to make them comfortable. Despite their refusal to impose on her, her efforts continued. She ran outside her hut beaming with excitement only to return disappointed. “My duck has not laid an egg today, so what shall I feed you?”, said her sorrowful voice. Before they could respond that they didn’t need to be fed, her face lit up as she rushed out of the hut, “Please wait a bit and I’ll cook the duck!” I think back to this incident and often wonder, is it easier to give when you don’t have much? What causes this genuine concern for strangers whereby you can let go of your only worldly possession, when we in a world of endless comfort and indulgence can’t seem to bring a “main dish” to a potluck dinner with friends?

As far back as history can take us, feeding people has been a divinely decreed responsibility. Perhaps today’s religiously devoid culture sees hostessing as a burden or perhaps our families have lost the meaning and intimacy of a family dinner altogether with the onset of fast food and tv dinners. I heard one woman proudly tell me that she only owns four plates, cups, spoons and forks in her kitchen for her family and refuses to get any more so her husband cannot expect her to entertain guests!

Westerners have seen entertaining as an establishment of relationships, whereas in the East even strangers were welcome into homes. Today, we are moving towards a society which is trying to oust our own friends and family from the dinner table! While it is true that our day to day lives have gotten faster, busier and more demanding, the expectations of us are so low that ot doesn’t really take much to impress. Neighbors have not shared a meal or even been inside each others’ homes in years. Even sending over some home-made cookies can brighten up someon’s day. That is feeding people, building relationships and spreading peace all in one act!

While this may be true of hosts, some of us have succumbed to being bad guests as well. It’s sad that people do not even know the sunnah of being a guest. I was always raised to never turn down an invitation unless there is a dire emergency. That was the way of the Prophet, peace be upon him, as well. I will keep inviting people to my home, even though I know they may not accept the invitation, and some have finally come, (out of sheer embarrassment of having turned down my offer so many times, perhpas)!

I’ve heard from Imam Zaid Shakir that the best way to make your money grow is to give it away and the same is true with food! Isn’t the Hadith of the Prophet, peace be upon him, “The best food is that in which there are many hands?” Let us remember that the fear of not enough or not good enough is from shaytan. Since Allah has promised each person his sustenance, why shouldn’t we be eager to become the means by which our Lord feeds his slave?

If you haven’t had someone over to share food with, in over a month, don’t wait any longer. Even if it’s just for a cup of tea and dates, invite a friend to share a drink, share a smile and share this sunnah. Let’s teach our children by living the Sunnah rather than necessitating a college classroom to educate them to have friends over.

References:

1)Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari
by Imam Bukhari
Translated by: Ustadha Aisha Bewley

2)Riyad as-Salihin (The Meadows of the Righteous)
by Imam Nawawi
Translated by: Ustadha Aisha Bewley

3) Koenig, John. New Testament Hospitality. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1985

4) This movie and its accompanying activities really emphasizes the place of hospitality in every culture and society – it is a universal:

http://www.shelbyvillemultimedia.org/get-involved/welcoming-gatherings/

Home School vs. Home Education

When one hears the term “home school” what often comes to mind is an image of a group of children sitting around a kitchen table, workbooks open, pencils raised, with Mom at the head directing the show, in an attempt to take familiar elements from the school system and bring them into the home, and think that something unique and revolutionary is happening in education. While it may be a comforting image to some people, it is a misleading one at best.
This is not to say that this scenario never occurs, but rather that it is, or should be, the exception rather than the norm. People who have pulled their children from traditional schools, or never put them in to start with, usually do so because they know that there is something better. So if that is the case, then why imitate the system that was rejected and seen as lacking in substance or value? What is it that people are really doing when they take on the task of educating their children themselves?
The key is in the terminology and the mindset provoked by that terminology. Is the goal to have children who are “schooled” and all that that implies in terms of conditioning, mediocrity, and conformity, or is it to have children who are “educated”, who know how to think for themselves, and aren’t limited by multiple choice answers?
The goal of a good education isn’t the accumulation of sets of facts and trivia, but rather the understanding of how to learn, how to take a piece of information, analyze it, judge its value, and put it in the proper perspective. A well educated person is not easily fooled or manipulated, for he can think logically and cast a critical eye while those around are often taken in by the latest fads, trends and flavors of the day. A well educated person is never done learning because it is a way of life, and necessary for life just as eating and breathing. Too often young people who have gone through the school system seek the end of their studies, and look forward to never having to open another book, or write down their thoughts on paper, or learn about the latest scientific advancements. Why? Because they were “schooled” rather than “educated”. Because their goal was a grade on a paper, a score on a test, an acceptance letter from a selective university.
People who choose home education want more for their children, themselves and their world, and it all starts with the right terminology and mindset. If it can be imagined, then it can be done.

This blog was written by our guest blogger, Maria Ali. Maria is a veteran home educator who has successfully home educated three lovely young adults. She has been a guest speaker for various home education networks and is active participant on home education forums nationwide, including the East Bay Muslim Homeschoolers network (EBMHS) of the San Francisco Bay Area. (March 2014)

Good Morning Homeschoolers!

Repost of an old blog from 2011.

One of the reasons I enjoy homeschooling is because I’m not a morning person, and unfortunately, neither are my kids! I see a lot of harried moms running frantically every morning, getting all they need to get done for their little ones to be in school on time. I can’t see myself doing that daily. Neither am I uber-organized that I can remain calm and move things along in the “wee” hours of the morn! I feel sad for people, like my sister in law in Chicago, who have to dress in multiple layers and get kids to school in the snow. I enjoyed my kids coming into my bed after they wake up to snuggle and tell me their dreams or make them up if they didn’t have one! I enjoy taking it easy in the morning and planning our day together. There is a certain synergy that propels all of us out of bed with ambition to conquer the world when we take those early moments together rather than run to beat a school bell. One of the blessings of homeschooling is that we can afford to have a good morning and more importantly; a good breakfast!
Breakfast is a family affair in our home. With one child currently aspiring to be a chef and another who tries to be a master of all, it’s easy to come up with delicious breakfast ideas.

My youngest independent student is learning to set the table. While learning the difference between the salad fork, dinner fork, soup spoon, tea spoon and tablespoon, she is also learning their proper positions on a place setting. The boys usually do the cooking. They can now slice, chop, dice and grate as the recipe requires. At age 9, my son has graduated to using a “real” knife! We started with the ambition to eat healthy, wholesome, homemade meals and so things going on the breakfast table have to be made from scratch. Today, we had berry crepes with homemade triple berry sauce and fresh squeezed orange juice. Recently, my son felt like having hash browns and spent fifteen minutes just grating potatoes! They measure, mix, and even take care of the messed up food! As they have to prepare and plan a meal, my kids are now getting interested in grocery shopping and keeping tabs on what is going bad or running short in the refrigerator. They look at the ad mailers to keep me informed of what is on sale, where and until when! What I can do for breakfast, others may already be implementing with lunch or dinner. The point with kids in the kitchen is simple: empower your children to eat healthy, grow healthy and stay happy.

Nationwide, programs like Kids in the Kitchen, Growing Gourmets and Young Chefs Academy are gaining popularity as more and more parents see the benefits of having their children experience life in the kitchen. According to the Kids in the Kitchen initiative, having kids make their own food “is the best way to get them to eat healthy.”1 As home schoolers, we don’t necessarily need to sign our child up for a cooking class! We just have to accommodate this in our daily kitchen schedule. When we afford our children the time and space to explore and experiment with something as important as a meal, we give their self esteems an immense boost! We tell them we believe in them and we accept their mistakes. We give them the chance to grow and partake in a ritual so basic yet so important that each family goes through it multiple times a day. Not to mention that we can sneak in some math, reading, spatial thinking, chemistry, physics, nutrition and health science, cooperative and team building skills, all into the same project, even before “school starts”.

Of course there are days when we’ll have plain old oatmeal, but it’s the creative cooking days that we all look forward to! Sure there are accidents that happen; spilled milk, broken dishes, wasted groceries, excess sugar or spice, burnt toast, seeds in the orange juice and sometimes even a cut finger or a small burn may occur, but they are tended to immediately and things move on quite quickly after that. Needless to say that kids in the kitchen will definitely need adult supervision at all times and sometimes projects will need to be completed by the teacher (usually happens when ideas and outcome don’t seem to match), but the effort will renew itself in just a few days with new found enthusiasm and you can go through the cycle all over again. Now if someone can help with how to get kids to do the dishes with just as much enthusiasm, I’d love to hear it!

Teaching Writing

Homeschooling parents are always looking for books and directives on teaching writing skills. There are those who prefer a textbook : workbook approach- ‘just tell me what they need to write’. While others choose a more eclectic approach- ‘let them write what they feel like writing’. Regardless of the approach you may take, the emphasis should be upon mastering the art of communication through the everyday use of language and upon developing language skills through a sequence of activities which correlate with the student's intellectual and emotional growth. One thing is for sure- good writing takes a lot of practice. The more you write, the better you get at it. Of course, this comes well after learning the rules of grammar, language and rhetoric. Many times, parents (especially homeschooling parents - and I only highlight homeschooling parents, as they are well intentioned but sometimes not well informed), put the cart before the horse. We tend to look for creativity, expression and style before teaching them structure, rules and language. We expect our children to produce when we haven’t given them the full range of tools they can use.

By no means is my list exhaustive or the only way to teach writing, but through my years of research and experience, here are my suggestions for teaching writing before expecting writing. Based on the child’s level of communication, first teach the child what good communication is. Speaking is easy and fluid, but if speaking and writing are just two means of communicating, then why is writing so hard? Writing should naturally follow the same process as speaking. So start by speaking well at home, and expect the same of your children. Use complete sentences, avoid slang and raise the level of vocabulary used in the home. Do this by exposing yourselves to well written literature and essays. Include newly learned vocabulary into daily speech. Both fiction and non-fiction teach various different rules of engagement with the language. Read to your children and let them read- encyclopedias, textbooks, articles, magazines and of course lots and lots of stories. This helps build vocabulary, a larger knowledge base, connections and connotations, idioms and even cynicism. Writing around grades 1-3 should focus on strong sentence formations and writing a short cohesive paragraph.

By the end of third grade, can your child write a 3-5 sentence paragraph, using the elements of proper punctuation, simple transitions, while staying on topic, using correct spelling and a variety of terms that are equal to his daily speech? Can he articulate his thoughts and feelings in written words just as eloquently as he can in spoken form? This should be your benchmark.

Moving on to grades 4-6, ensure your child’s grammatical abilities are strengthening. Sentences should get more complex and spelling and vocabulary should be more engaging. Paragraphs should be framed well with topic sentences and conclusions. By the end of 6th grade, your student should be able to write a multi-paragraph essay. The 5 paragraph essay with a thesis should be clearly identifiable and the essay should have transitions that are clear and connected. Your middle school child should be able to state their opinions in a paper (without using, “in my opinion”, or “I think”) and support their opinions with reasons why.

By the time your child emerges from grade 8, there should be a clear writing structure that has been taught to and caught by your child. When a teacher asks them to reflect on and write their thoughts down, they don’t need to ask ‘How long should the paper be?’, but rather, ‘Is there any particular aspect you’d like me to focus on?’

The rising high schooler should be familiar with MLA style, formatting tools, various presentation tools online, writing bibliographies and/or a works cited, research annotations and quotations. They should be able to borrow ideas and show where they got them from. They should be able to research well and read scholarly articles on their topics to find proof for their points. They should be able to take others’ thoughts and wrestle with them before concurring or rejecting them. Whatever they do, they must be able to trace back and prove their points.

Writing should be so structured for them that by the time high school comes along, they can now get creative and show their own style. The structure of writing shouldn’t stump them or hold them back, but rather propel them toward excellence in showing off their ideas and creativity. High schoolers should be able to read heavier classics and discuss them with just as much ease as they can read and discuss scholarly articles or research journals. The great writers of the past have a lot to offer - explore the great classics before you look to pave way to a new style. It is okay to take a step back before moving forward. Don’t expect creativity and excellence when you have not shown what metrics excellence has been measured by in the past. Only after all this can our children share their own thoughts in the most creative way because they now have a structure, a plan and a purpose to share their ideas. This is creativity.

Too often we ask our children to share their thoughts much before we have taught them how to think. Too often we ask for creativity when the basic scaffolding is missing. Too often we ask them to give back without giving to them first. I urge home educators to not fall into the same trap of school teachers and teach to a timed test or a requirement set by the state agency. If you want your child to soar as a writer and love writing, let them learn the structure of writing and language before they explore their personal style and get creative. Remember, to create or make something new is the hardest of all processes- whether it is cooking a new dish, sewing a new outfit, writing a new code - to create is the higheest form of expression of expertise in the area. Don’t force that on those just starting out with writing. Teach them to communicate- effectively and efficiently first.

Have a bad day!

It’s one of those days again. You woke up with a stiff back and a crick in your neck. The kids are fighting over breakfast, chores are undone and the game of “he said, she said” is in full swing. The little guy is having a blast cutting vegetable tops into a million pieces as he practices his cutting skills on the kitchen floor. The dryer is choking again, groceries need to be bought and telemarketers have all randomly selected you for calls today!

Amidst the fights, the long list of incomplete chores and schoolwork that needs to be completed, one lessons screams to be taught- emotional cleanup: bringing out our emotions in front of the kids. The best way to teach our children something is to show rather than tell them about it. With that same principle in mind, here comes the hard part- showing our vulnerable side to our children. Being open with our emotions humanizes us in the eyes of our children. Since children learn from what we do more than what we say, we need to model appropriate behavior and teach them how to handle feelings and emotions. If we shy away from conversations of emotional disturbances and take a break from the kids to deal with issues privately, kids won’t see us solve problems and may have a hard time doing so themselves.

As parents of little ones will tell you, kids watch our every move and mimic our every action. They notice the frown on our faces and the wrinkle on our foreheads to know that something is not right, yet we do not open ourselves to our children and show them our emotions, perhaps because we are culturally trained to stay private about emotions. I am not suggesting that we go through an emotional meltdown in front of our children, but we need to teach them how to articulate their feelings, and where to look for help in finding solutions to problems and this can only happen if we do the same. A few days ago when things got out of control at home, I put myself in a “time out.” I gathered all my kids and told them that I am very upset at the way they were behaving with each other and with the things at home. They showed disrespect to the things, to each other and to me as their mom and teacher. I told them that I was so upset that I had to stop and take a break, hence the time out, so I don’t say or do something I will feel bad about later. With that said, I sat down with a glass of water to think of what to do next and where to begin the cleanup process. Much to my surprise, they got themselves together, started cleaning up (with argumentation, no doubt), but at a much lower volume than before. My baby kept checking on me asking, “Are you okay, mama?” while the rest of them cleaned up the place and were gleefully waiting to “surprise” me when I came out of ‘time out’. Secretly, I enjoyed my time out. It was a necessary break that helped me break away from the emotions of anger and frustration and move towards the true love and affection I feel for my kids. It also taught my little ones empathy-they felt bad for what they had done, but I think they felt bad for my state, more so.

We need to go through an emotional clean up at times and doing this in front of our children can be helpful in teaching them that it’s okay for people in charge to take a break from their roles and vent. It may also stop something potentially worse from happening to us emotionally. Our emotional cleanups though have to be expressive, clear, and concise. We have to help others see the problems but not drag everyone down with guilt and helplessness. We have to be open and honest and show respect to everyone involved. We need to keep a clear, controlled tone and voice in order to show control over the situation. If we appropriately show our own emotions and articulate them well, our children will learn to do the same. If we slip and make a mistake (use foul language for example), we need to clean it up-apologize and correct ourselves.

Culturally, we have been taught to stay in power by being strong emotionally and not showing any signs of weakness to those in our care. Dads do this more so than moms do. But boys especially need to see emotional talk and clean up within the family so they don’t pent up all their emotions and blow up when it gets too much to handle. Giving our children the opportunity to watch and learn how we handle a bad day or a wrench in the wheel of life is an extremely important life lesson to impart. Things seldom go our way and we need to know how to deal with them when this happens. Early parenting teaches us to train our young ones to “use their words”, but something turns off when kids are over ten years old. By this time, young kids often shut themselves off in their rooms and only admit to “nothing is wrong” when questioned. This demands us to watch how we deal with issues. Do we push things away to be dealt with later? or privately? or do we openly admit there are things beyond our control and turn to God for help?

As parents who often feel overwhelmed with the millions of things we have to teach our children, we often forget what we are teaching them without even trying. Our body language, our demeanor and our actions speak louder than anything we may say. So, when life throws us a fast one, we should be prepared to enlist the help of our little soldiers and meet the challenge head on. Sometimes, it may be praying together and having the young ones make dua for patience and strength for us. Their pure prayers may be answered sooner than we know it!

Three Marbles

“We are looking for the treasure the fairies left for us!” explains an enthusiastic boy from under a bush while his playmate with soft blonde curls carefully opens her fist to show me the bright, colorful treasure of marbles they’ve discovered in the little green patch behind San Francisco’s Presidio branch library. The library won’t open for another hour and since I have time to kill and a three year old to entertain I venture to the back of the library where we run into this little preschool class of active four and five year olds, enchanted with finding fairy treasures. As the group of little treasure seekers crawl under trees, climb branches and comb their fingers through the little patch of grass looking for fairy treasure, their seasoned teacher encourages them, shares their exuberance at any find and goes about covertly dropping more treasure along the way.
My three year old was hesitant to join the group of strangers at first, but as shrieks of joy exploded when someone did find a “fairy treasure”, my little guy’s curiosity won. While staying close to mom, he looks for his own treasures. At the end of the hunt, each child has a collection of colorful marbles and my own little guy has three! As the treasure seekers wind up to go back to their indoor classroom, it was just me, my little guy and his three marbles left on this little patch of green. This is when I realized that I have been given a challenge- to entertain my three year old without a park or play structure, without games, toys, books or electronics, without friends or play buddies and without his usual three entertainers around! My older kids were out with their uncle and my little one was with – just me.
It’s amazing how I had become dependent on devices and descendants to entertain and teach and this hour before the library opened forced me reconnect with my own creativity. Sometimes our park days, playdates, circle times and storytimes get so routinized and so well planned that there is little room for creativity or impulsivity. A break from the regular implores us to think of ways to get creative and do things differently. That’s when three marbles conjured up uncountable games. Three marbles lent themselves to a game of marble soccer, marble bowling, marble hide and seek, marble rolling, marble carrom, game of colors and a host of others! It wasn’t how many games I could think up that impressed me, but how well my three year old adapted to them and enjoyed them that did. Moms of many will tell you that it is easy to dismiss our little ones as the “baby” and never challenge them enough, only because we get so caught up with the older ones and their challenges (which I must say are more pressing), but this little bit of time with my little boy reminded me of the beauty and simplicity of a three year old’s company. His enthusiasm and his excitement with every little game and his readiness to try everything that mom thought of, including making and wearing a daisy chain and a daisy watch was refreshing!
Perhaps the three marbles reminded me to reconnect with my baby who seems lost in the shuffle of older siblings, or perhaps they helped me reminisce the quiet times when our phones and electronic devices did not entertain us while we waited or perhaps it just gave me some time to diffuse while sitting on a lawn of green, but whatever the lesson, the hour was well spent and I actually felt a little sad when the library opened its doors and we had to go in.

Building Blocks

In looking at a picture from our recent trip to India, I reminisced witnessing the beauty and majesty of the Qutub Minar in Delhi. For those who aren't familiar with the Qutub Minar, here is a quick history lesson from the annals of Indian History.

The Qutb Minar was commissioned by Qutb-ud-din Aibak, the first Sultan of Delhi, and was completed by his successor - Iltumish. This 72 meters high red sandstone and marble tower has a base diameter of 14.3 meters and tapers to 2.7 meters at the top. As the name suggests (minar is the Arabic/Urdu term for minaret), this UNESCO World Heritage Site tower was made to serve the purpose of a minaret from where the adhan (call to prayer) could be called in India's first mosque. Most important to note here is that the Qutub Minar was constructed in parts, one cylindrical column at a time, with the final one completed 172 years after it's inception.

The beauty and magnanimity of this tower is shadowed only by the farsightedness of the Muslim builders. At the time when Qutb-ud-din Aibak asked for a Minaret to be built, the builders and architects built with the future in mind. They made a base so strong and a foundation so deep that the following leaders could keep building on it even over a hundred years later. In this lies the lesson for us- to give our children a foundation so strong that they can build their own towers as high as they desire, whenever they desire.

Education is not based on the memorization and regurgitation of facts and data. It's about gathering the tools of learning to be able to educate oneself for as long as one desires. If the foundation of education is built upon these true tools of learning, the mechanics of learning will come with ease. Teaching our children to think for themselves, to think critically, to analyze, to synthesize, to understand, to read beyond the words, to get to the deeper meanings of the written or spoken word- these are just some of the skills that are imperative in a highly competitive and dynamic work world.

Therefore, we must prepare with the end in mind. It's not about a plan and execution for right now, but for the future- not just for one generation but for every generation that follows. If we are to do it right, then we can leave a legacy, like our ancestors did. It's not about raising just one generation or just our children, it's about raising the bar so that every child can reach his potential.

May God grant us the wisdom to do what's best for now and the future.